


Physician, heal thyself

by Dispatches (orphan_account)



Category: Star Trek: The Next Generation
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-05-10
Updated: 2010-05-10
Packaged: 2017-10-09 09:38:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 994
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/85799
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/Dispatches
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>For <a href="http://belladonnalin.livejournal.com/profile"><img/></a><a href="http://belladonnalin.livejournal.com/"><b>belladonnalin</b></a>; prompt was "you've got nothing to lose".</p>
            </blockquote>





	Physician, heal thyself

At 17:30 on the dot, Ensign Hardwick came into Ten Forward, sat down heavily on his usual stool, rested his elbow on the bar and his head on his fist in his usual manner, and stared at Lieutenant Bazan with his usual forlornly handsome stare.

"The usual?" said Guinan, taking a bottle out from under the bar.

"Yes, thank you, Guinan," said Hardwick, not taking his eyes away from Bazan, who was tucking into a plate of _hasparat_ and listening intently to Counselor Troi.

Guinan suppressed a sigh. Hardwick was a nice boy, a little too earnest at times, but well-meaning; but it was going to take a miracle to get him to stop dithering and ask Bazan out.

She hefted the bottle in her hand. Maybe not a miracle. Or... not a large one, anyway.

She put the bottle back, took out another one, and filled Hardwick's glass. "There you go," she said.

Hardwick took a drink, and nearly choked. "This isn't -- "

"No, it isn't," she said pleasantly. "Why don't you try it anyway? I promise it won't do you any harm."

Hardwick gave her a doubtful look and took another drink, more carefully this time. "It's -- it's -- what is it?"

"Do you like it?"

"I -- um -- I -- yes. Yes, I think I do."

He sounded surprised, which Guinan would have taken as an insult to her expertise as a bartender if she hadn't known how painfully routine-bound Hardwick was. "Sometimes it's nice to take a chance on something new," she said blandly, tipping her head in the direction of Lieutenant Bazan. "Like, say, talking to someone you'd like to get to know a little better."

Hardwick stared at her. "You don't -- you can't mean -- oh, God, am I that obvious?"

"Only to someone who's paying the right kind of attention." Lieutenant Bazan finished the last of the _hasparat_. "Looks like Counselor Troi's finished with Lieutenant Bazan. Which means Bazan'll be free for the next hour or two."

Hardwick's eyes dropped to the bar. "I... I can't..."

"Sure you can. Come on! What have you got to lose?"

Hardwick stared at the little square glass half-filled with a green liquid that had been available in Starfleet ships for over a hundred years, but that he had never tasted until moments before.

He looked up at Guinan. "You're right. You're right!" He downed the remainder of the liquid (best Aldeberan ale, and usually served in much larger glasses, but Hardwick was a lightweight) and bounded off after Bazan, nearly tripping over his stool in his enthusiasm.

Guinan smiled as she watched him go. "Another satisfied customer," she murmured.

"Don't you mean 'patient'?" said Counselor Troi, sitting down in the stool Hardwick had vacated.

Guinan smiled lopsidedly and put Hardwick's glass in the recycling unit. "Now, Counselor, I don't claim to be a therapist -- "

"Perhaps not, but if it weren't for you, I'd be a lot busier."

"Maybe. What can I do for you?"

"Serve me a drink and tell me about your problems."

Guinan paused with her hand on the bar. "I'm... not usually much of a talker," she said.

"I know," said Troi. "The one thing everyone agrees on about the El-Aurians is that they are a listening people. But there must be times when you want someone to listen to you for a change?"

Guinan shrugged. "I don't really have that much to say."

"I don't believe that."

"It's true!" At Troi's disbelieving look, she elaborated: "There are so many billions of sentient beings in the galaxy -- some that live for thousands of years, some that cram as much life as the ancient ones into a year or even less. So many stories to hear. So many lives to learn about. Why would I want to talk when I could listen? I already know about _my_ life."

"Sometimes it can be useful to get another perspective. The questions another person asks can cast your own experiences in a completely different light. You must know this, Guinan. _You_ do it all the time."

Guinan smiled. "If you don't want the professional competition..."

"On the contrary," Troi said, "I want to make sure that an esteemed colleague is getting the support she needs."

Guinan stared at her for a moment, pondering. She wasn't sure of the extent of Troi's telepathy; it was pretty weak, she knew that much, and besides that, she'd always been able to shield her mind when she needed to. If she made up a convincing story and told it to Troi, Troi probably wouldn't know the difference.

She looked a moment more at Troi's face, her wide brown eyes, her open expression, and made a decision.

"I only have one problem," she said, leaning forward and lowering her voice. "A long time ago, I found _perfect_ happiness."

"Perfect happiness?" said Troi, frowning slightly.

Guinan nodded. "A happiness so deep, so intense that it made every moment of joy I'd ever had before look like... like misery in disguise. I couldn't walk away from it. I left a piece of myself behind in the place where that happiness lived. And it's still there."

She straightened up. "Since then, I've had an interesting life. I've met a lot of people and listened to their stories. But I'm not really _here_. Part of me is. But not the most important part."

Troi blinked. Guinan suppressed a smile. "So, you see, since I'm not really here, I don't have anything to talk about."

Troi stared at her. Guinan bit the insides of her cheek and made sure not to blink.

"All right," said Troi after half a minute had passed and neither of them had looked away, "have it your way." She smiled wryly. "I know when I've met my match."

"I don't know what you're talking about," said Guinan brightly. "Can I get you a drink?"

"Hot chocolate," said Troi. "You know how I like it."

"Yes," said Guinan, "I do."

[end]


End file.
